Red Fez

Providence, RI
yelp.com



The Order: Fez Burger. 1/4lb beef+chourico burger with American cheese, open-secret sauce, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles and mustard on a toasted potato roll.
Side Order: fries ($3)
$6 + $3 = $9
Drink Order: Berkshire Brewing Co. Lost Sailer IPA
Burger Menu Rating: 10/15



Although not on her agenda for proving that Providence has great burgers, my friend Ali (we'll call her Providence Ali) took me out to a bar she wanted to try out called Red Fez which might have late night dinner food. And have food they did! And it was tasty!

I'd not had a burger with so different a flavor in a while. The chourico blend meat was a divine choice that was so exciting I though my taste buds were going to explode (Chourico is a Portuguese sausage similar to Chorizo). Every bite was just a mix of varied and interesting flavors from sour to sweet and all in between. The open-secret sauce was delicious (what's the secret?!), combining with, but not getting in the way of, the flavor of the meat. The meat itself, because of the chourico, is garlicky and spiced and full of awesome flavor that could have stood out on its own, but was delicious paired with the sauce and mustard as counter flavors. The lettuce and tomato didn't add much to the burger, and was thankfully included in small proportion. The red onion, on the other hand, was sweet and perfect. I did, however, question the use of American cheese on this burger. Sure it doesn't get in the way, but it didn't really do anything for the burger beyond the texture.

Though well priced at $6, this patty was a little thin though for a place like this, and I'd much rather be able to specify how my burger is cooked than not. The same can be said of the fries. You don't get that much for the price you pay, and they're merely average. Seasoned with salt. Perhaps, next to the burger, they don't live up to expectations, and perhaps that's a good thing. They don't compete with the burger for attention (notice the burger arrives sitting ON TOP of the bed of fries), but there's something to be said for fries that could be as interesting as the burger with which they're served.

Red Fez has a small but varied draught selection and a varied bottle selection to satisfy their hipster clientele. The rest of the menu looks interesting as well, though I tried a bite of the fried Mac and Cheese that everyone raves about and was mildly disappointed.

Thank you Providence Ali for showing me about your town of respectable burgers.


Cooked Correctly = 4pts
No choice of how you want it cooked? = Waved due to Pork
Presentation/Plating = 1pts
Design/Ingredients = 3pts
Value = 2pts

Harry's Bar & Burger

Providence, RI
harrysbarburger.com



The Order: Frita Cubano (2 sliders). Classic Cheese, Cuban ketchup and crispy potato sticks.
Side Order: Sweet potato fries with Kryptonite Aioli ($2.59)
$4.79 + $2.59 = $7.38
Drink Order: Stone Cat ESB
Burger Menu Rating: 6.5/10




I might love Providence. Its just a really cool little city with a ton of stuff to do. The two nights I was there, there were tons of people from RISD doing performance art in the parks, there was a giant concert going on, and the bar scene was lively. And my friend Ali was determined to show me that Providence's burger scene has merits.


This is definitely a neat little place. Two floors, interesting layout, and each room has its own decor. The burgers are well priced, and delicious, if a bit greasy, and the staff here are very friendly, and knowledgeable about the menu. They have a great beer list, which is all moderately priced, though some of it is a bit expensive. Also, a fantastic selection of music. Discovery, then Peter Bjorn & John, then Phoenix, then The Whitest Boy Alive. All great stuff.

All of the burgers here are not burgers, but sliders. There are no full sized burgers on their menu (apart from their black bean burger... which might be a full size burger, I didn't ask, and which doesn't count). And they all have interesting combinations of toppings and flavors. All of the sliders are relatively simple, but each one is very different from the next. The Frita Cubano though, stood out because of the Cuban Ketchup. The burger seemed both simple and exciting at the same time, so why not? Right?

The texture added by the potato sticks was interesting to say the least, but they were less crunchy than I expected and more a vehicle for the meat juice than anything else. The Cuban ketchup was on the sour side, and sweeter than regular ketchup, and really stood out as the 'big thing' for these sliders. The sweet-and-sour-ness of the ketchup combined with the meat juice being trapped in the potato sticks actually worked to the advantage of the sliders as each bite really packed a huge burst of flavor. The only problem I had was that you couldn't specify how to cook the meat, but with the size of the patties I can see why they just come out medium. I mean, they're all sliders, so it would be much more difficult to cook to order. Altogether the burger was tasty, but like most sliders, was really greasy, and really salty too, which isn't a detriment, but something to keep in mind if you're watching your cholesterol. That being said, I'd totally go here again, especially during 3p-5p every day for half priced burgers. I'd definitely go to try the others for sure (I had a bite of the Crunch Burgers and they were pretty great).

The sweet potato fries were great here, but their 'Kryptonite Aioli', which was supposed to be spicy (according to a conversation overheard at the next table) was not spicy at all. Perhaps it's just named for the green color of the sauce? It was like a pesto, which was only just fine on the fries. Not a great combination. Much better with plain old ketchup.

Go here for the 3p-5p half priced sliders every day (dine-in only).



Presentation/Plating = 2pts
Design/Ingredients = 2pts
Value = 2.5pts

Go Burger

Manhattan, NY - 38th st.
www.e2hospitality.com/go-burger



The Order: "The Anime" - 4oz patty, medium rare. With scallions, Miso-Russian dressing, Hoisin Sauce, pork bellies, sesame seeds and shredded lettuce.
Side Order: Vidalia Onion rings ($5)
$7 + $5 = $12
Drink Order: Coke
Burger Menu Rating: 12.5/15




Amazing! Juicy! And NOT ON THE MENU! Go here NOW and get this burger to be one of the first to try this new amazing creation. Before I moved to New York, I'd heard a lot of people naysay when talking about Go Burger Los Angeles, so I was skeptical the first time I went to the NY chain. A decent normal burger, a little pricy, but not so huge that it made you regret eating all of it. Then! This past Monday, I had a morning meeting right next door to Go Burger, and well, of course I was craving burgers by the time I got out at 11:30a, and since I just so happened to be right next door, what the hell? Right? I walk in, and am preparing to order when the server stops me and very excitedly asks me if I want to try their new burger. "Do I ever?!" She was even so excited about it, that she took a picture of one when SHE ate it (she's already speaking my language by this point). With excitement coursing through my entire body, I took a seat, waiting for my burger order to be up.

So again, I say Amazing! Juicy! The taste of the pork bellies comes through right away, in an amazing way! It mixes with and is enhanced by the different sauces on the burger, but is by no means overpowered. This is the second burger I've had with pork bellies on it, and I'm starting to think that burgers can never go wrong by having them. They add a richness in flavor, and a sweetness that is impossible to match.

The 4oz patty on this burger doesn't offer much in the way of taste, but this seems to hit the mark perfectly in this case. Any larger of a patty, and you wouldn't focus as much on the other toppings, and this is DEFINITELY toppings-burger. What it does offer, however, is mouthfeel, and it grounds it firmly in the realm of burgers, rather than straying towards a sandwich on a burger bun. The somewhat course texture of the small patty is a perfect contrast to the smooth surface of the pork bellies. You might say that $7 is a little steep for the size of this burger as a whole (4oz patty notwithstanding), but this burger doesn't know that its small. It packs a huge punch, and is totally satisfying. You're also getting a really interesting burger. If it wasn't so tasty and exciting, $7 would be outrageous.

The onion rings are awesome. Perfectly cooked, soft on the inside, crunchy on the outside. Lightly salted, and with the vidalia's natural sweetness, they combine for a really great taste. Delicious, and a decent sized portion too. These need no sauce of any kind to eat. Go Burger's Rings stand on their own, golden and proud.

I am serious when I say that this burger is not on their menu yet. As of the time of this post, it is NOT on their 38th st. online menu, and it is NOT on the board at their brick and mortar location. I am also serious when I say that you should change your lunch plans and go there immediately. You won't regret it. And please let me know when you've tried it!


Cooked Correctly = 5pts
Presentation/Plating = 2pts
Design/Ingredients = 3pts
Value = 2.5pts

Cheeburger Cheeburger

Plainview, NY
cheeburger.com



The Order: Semi Serious, medium. Cheddar, lettuce, tomato, sauteed onions ($.50), banana peppers, artichoke hearts and thousand island dressing.
Side Order: Best of Both Basket (Fries and Onion Rings) - Regular size. $6.49
6.99 + .50 + 6.49 = $13.98
Drink Order: Dr. Pepper
Burger Menu Rating: 9/15


Having grown up going to Cheeburger Cheeburger, it holds a special place in my heart, and always will. This is by no means a gourmet burger, but what is fantastic about their menu is that you get to choose everything and your burger is cooked to order. You can create so many different options by working with the size of the burger, the free toppings and sauces, and then moving onto the specialty toppings.

The Semi Serious is a 1/3lb burger, and the norm for most people who go there. There is, however a Serious, and a Delirious, the latter of which is a whopping 20oz burger before they cook it. If you FINISH a Delirious, they'll take your picture and put it up on the wall along everyone else that has done it before (there's a separate wall for repeat offenders), but keep in mind that you have to eat all the bread and finish all of the toppings as well. Your plate must be CLEAN. This is not for the faint of heart. A friend of mine did it in a high school (something like.. 11 years ago), and he was laid up for the rest of the night with stomach pain. You've been warned.

The other fantastic part of their menu is their massive list of milkshake options. These have to be flavor additions, but there is seriously a ridiculous number of flavors to choose from. 378,000 different flavor combinations! Amazing. Unfortunately, a full shake isn't as big as it used to be. You used to be able to get one, and they'd give you a ton of left over shake in that metal cup as well, but no more. Saving money? Or just someone that really knows the proportions of a shake. Either way, I'm not a fan.

The entire place (all of them, its a chain found in 29 cities, as far west as the state of Nevada), is themed like a 1950s diner, complete with ugly pink neon and all the 50s tunes you could want. The pink neon actually kind of makes your eyes hurt by the time you leave. But they must be doing something right, because I've never gone into one and seen it empty.

The fries and rings? Not much to say about them really. You get a giant basket (you better, for 6.49) and you can order some dipping sauces on the side (which are totally not worth it). The fries themselves are decent, and the onion rings are really large, but neither are anything special. I'd say you're probably better off just passing on the fries/onion rings and getting a milkshake instead. If you're planning on getting both, forgo the fries for the sake of your stomach and the ache you'll have trying to finish them. Its the same ache I've made the mistake of having many times before at Cheeburger.


You'll notice at the top of this post there's a new feature! I've finally put together a numerical rating system! It's laid out as follows:

Burgers (out of 15 points)
Cooked Correctly = 5pts
No choice of how you want it cooked? = -1
Presentation/Plating = 4pts
Design/Ingredients = 3pts
Value = 3 pts

Sliders (out of 10 pts)
Presentation/Plating = 4pts
Design/Ingredients = 3pts
Value = 3 pts

It's pretty self explanatory right? The total score will always be at the top, and the breakdown will be at the bottom of the post. Get excited for more reviews coming every Wednesday!



Cooked Correctly = 4pts
Presentation/Plating = 2pts
Design/Ingredients = 1pts (Build your own)
Value = 2 pts

Missing

Lack of $$$ = Hiatus.

Look for more reviews soon!

Canterbury Ale's

Huntington, NY
www.canterburyales.com



The Order: Archbishop of Canterburger, medium rare. Ham, mushrooms, bacon, green peppers, Swiss and American cheeses.
Side Order: Comes with their famous cottage fries
$14.99
Drink Order: Franziskaner Dunkelweiss




This isn't a terrible burger but for $14.99 I expected more. The burger came out in a timely manner, and the service was pretty good even with just one waitress. It was cooked correctly, and while this is a pretty large burger, the bun is so big that it's almost overwhelming. There is a sizable amount of beef and there are definitely a lot of toppings but the bun is just so big. I wished they either scooped out some of the bread or went with a thinner bun, or just anything to cut down on the amount of bread.

It was definitely refreshing to get a burger that didn't have a sauce on it. Even with a lot of condiments, the focus of this burger was the taste of the meat, which was good. Good quality mean, not overworked, not over seasoned, simple. Tasty. But the best part of this burger is the ham. Or I should say 'ham.' It's more like really thick bacon, which makes it awesome. It's so good, in fact, that if the burger was just beef, 'ham' and cheese, that would be amazing. Juicy, salty, and just a tiny bit of crunch, this 'ham' adds a whole world to this burger that all the other condiments don't.

Fries? Eh. I've seen pickle shaped fries before. They came out already getting cold, and weren't all that tasty. C'mon people! Fries are awesome! Make them interesting! Use a different potato, a different oil, or a different seasoning. DO something! Anyways, they have a decent selection of both draft and bottle beers. A mix of Europeans and American microbrews. It's a small place, parking is tough. Wednesdays are $10.99 burger night. A regular burger plus two toppings, and it comes with pickles and fries. Special events sometimes include fixed price beer tastings.

Pub One

Brooklyn, NY
www.puboneny.com



The Order: 3 Second Delay, medium rare. Two 8 oz patties topped with bacon, scotch bonnet peppers, white cheddar, American cheese and pickled tomato.
Side Order: Comes with fries.
$18
Drink Order: Six Point Sweet Action




Holy Wow! Spicy, sweet, salty and huge! This burger was fucking ridiculous, and definitely the best I'd had in a while. I can't say enough about this burger. Let's start with Spicy: The Scotch Bonnet Peppers were fantastic! Just spicy enough, not terrible, and a little vinegary. Each time I had one in a bite of my burger, it was an explosion of spicy flavor that filled your mouth and then quickly subsided into a dull burn. And that burn kept on building until the end. Mind you, it wasn't too spicy to finish like the Hell Burger at Stand4, but the peppers definitely let you know they were still around, and were a force to be reckoned with. Sweet: between the two cheeses and the pickled tomato, this burger was unbelievably sweet. Again, not too much so, but it was a marvelous counterpoint to the spice provided by the peppers. The gooey duo of cheese were definitely all over the burger providing sweet melty deliciousness in every bite. The pickled tomatoes were not quite as plentiful, but each bite into one was a reminder that they too had a part to play. They were sweet and a little sour and unexpected. Salty: Yes it is. And it was good. Not overly salty (I think I see a trend here), it wasn't overpowering, but just enough to add to the flavor of the meat.

The meat. Let me remind you that this burger comprised of TWO 8oz patties. It. Was. Huge. And. Magnificent. Even with all of the condiments and toppings, this burger was still about the meat. Now maybe that was because of the vast quantity of meat on this burger, but still. The flavors were balanced, and didn't impede the delicious taste of the beef in every bite. This was a difficult burger to handle. Not only is it huge, but all of the ingredients were constantly trying to escape my clutches, and the juices running from the burger made it extremely messy as well (soaking the fries and making them all the more delicious). Tastefully (tastebud-ally) balanced. And enormous. Those are probably the two best ways to describe this burger. And I'd like to get it again and again.

I can't say enough about this place in general. Pub One is located in Dumbo at the beginning of Front Street. Its a small building, but when you walk in, the bar and dining room open up into a large patio in the back with ample seating and an outdoor bar. The waitstaff are all nice and definitely enthusiastic (our waitress may have been a little too excited about us being there). The beer selection is ok, not very big. Don't be concerned about the B rating. I'd come here again and I'd definitely recommend it to everybody I know.

MP Taverna

Roslyn, NY
www.mptaverna.com



The Order: The MP Meal (Thursday): Meatballs, Beef Burger, Brownie. The Beef Burger, medium rare with 'traditional toppings' and spicy feta sauce.
Side Order: Comes with fries and gherkins.
$15
Drink Order: Southern Tier Double IPA


This entire place had a very 60s corner diner feeling, except that it was an extremely classy establishment. Frank Sinatra played overhead, there was exposed brick, and giant wood blinds. I think chicken wire is really trendy right now, as this place, and a lot of other newer restaurants have had it all over the place. The staff here at MP Taverna was friendly, even a bit overly attentive. The place, however, was empty. Not just not busy, but completely empty, which wasn't exactly what I'd expect for lunch at a restaurant where the chef got a 3 star Michelin rating. Then again, it was threatening rain outside. Still, I was the ONLY person in there not being paid.

The meatball appetizer was delicious. The sauce was thick and tasty, but not too overpowering, and the meatballs (2 of them) were soft, not really firm, and just melted in my mouth. I could seriously have eaten an entire platter of just those meatballs. But ah! You only get two of them! Give me more! These on a sandwich would be fantastic!

So the hamburger. Traditional toppings.... there were none. I would have guessed lettuce, tomato and onion, as opposed to nothing. No there were no toppings on this burger at all. It was meat and buns with sauce on the side. BUT this burger patty is HUGE. +2 points (oh wait, I still haven't come up with my rating system). I don't know what it is about chefs wanting to get that char grilled taste in their burgers. That's all you end up tasting. I had a taste of the spicy feta sauce before I put it on the burger and it was delicious, but I couldn't taste it at all with the overwhelming burnt taste of the burger! This time, however, I realized it's not the meat itself, but the bun. This bun was thick, and soft, but grilled so the edges were a little bit toasty. Great. Except that the top and the bottom of the buns were burned! Like.. black! The flavor of burning just got in the way so much that I had to slather almost all the feta sauce on the burger to mask it, and then suddenly, the burger was about the sauce, and not the burger itself. Now, undeniably, this sauce is awesome, but I don't want the burger to be a vehicle for the sauce! It was unfortunate, because the patty was cooked perfectly, and looked tasty, but in the end all I could taste was sauce and burning. I'd rather have had the sauce compliment the taste of the meat and bun together.

The fries here were simple, very lightly salted, and delicious. Obling, thick-cut fries, with the skin left on, they were a nice change in taste and consistency from the burger and the sweet gherkins. The gherkins did a lot to refresh the palette between bites of the burger, and to help clear away the burnt taste that seemed to last throughout the meal.

Ah. A music change. But wait. From Sinatra to some contemporary pop. Odd. With Sinatra playing, it felt as if the music was incorporated into the design of the atmosphere as a whole. Apparently not. But I'm wasn't there to critique the atmosphere. And then the music switched back to the old crooners and I was again perplexed.

The brownie alone is worth getting here. It's small, but rich and creamy, with massive chunks of soft chocolate throughout and a light dusting of powdered sugar. It is delightful, but you really need to like chocolate in order to finish it. I got halfway thru and couldn't eat anymore.

They have a decent selection of beers on tap, though it doesn't seem as if they've been curated in any way that makes sense. It's as if they have something for everyone without making any really bold choices. Stone IPA, fine. Ommegang Hennepin, ok. Wait, now it seems as if they're just picking the high scoring beers from Beer Advocate.

The meal deals are hard to beat here. A regular beef burger will cost you $13, so for $2 extra, you get delicious meatballs and a brownie? Not bad, though they skimp on the amount of fries. Similar deals may be worth it on other days, but I don't recommend getting this burger. For the price, its surprisingly uninteresting, especially from such a high-rated chef.

Duffy's

Staten Island, NY



The Order: Smokehouse Burger, medium rare. Mozzarella, BBQ sauce, and bacon on English muffin.
Side Order: Seasoned Crisscut Fries ($1.50)
$8 + $1.50 = $9.50
Drink Order: Spaten Oktoberfest



Everything about this place very quietly says 'town bar.' Low key, tiny little restaurant, with a small green awning. But then, when you walk up to the front door, the awning boasts 'Staten Island's best burger.' Once inside, however, there is nothing to brag about. Small bar on the left, very few tables. Even the menu here is nondescript. Within the menu, the burgers are undescribed. None of the burgers have a list of condiments at all. Actually, only their specials are described in any detail, and definitely not fully. In fact, their menu has very little in the way of description for any of their food. It doesn't even say what kinds of cheese you have as options for your burgers.

The burger here is no frills all the way. No lettuce, no tomato. No anything except what is/is not on the menu. The burger came out showing its few, but delicious, condiments. Crispy smoked bacon on top. The BBQ sauce was on the sour side (awesome). The English muffin was toasted, but not too hard. Apparently all the burgers come on English muffins. Who knew? The only detriment to this burger, was that it came out overcooked, and, as verified by my brother Alex, I definitely said medium rare, twice. So the burger was overcooked, not a lot, but still a LOT closer to medium than medium rare. Still tasty. Apparently this is a fluke, as my brother and sister-in-law come here often, and their burgers are always juicy, and cooked correctly. Still, points must be removed, even for flukes.

The fries here are awesome. Well seasoned, they're crunchy on the outside, and soft on the inside. And they definitely give you a good sized portion of this massive crisscut fries. It was like a whole potato on my plate. And it all ended up in my belly. Delish.

Bonnaroo or Bust!

Hello all!


No post this week as I'm leaving in an hour to go to Bonnaroo and I still haven't packed the car!
Regular reviews will pick up again next week. Thanks!

Heartland Brewery

Manhattan, NY
www.heartlandbrewery.com



The Order: The HB Burger, medium rare. With shredded lettuce and tomato.
Side Order: Comes with Idaho fries.
$11.95
Drink Order: Heartland Brewery Indiana Pale Ale



A clean and simple burger, the HB Burger from Heartland Brewery is all taste and no frills. The meat is only lightly salted, allowing the taste of the meat to be the main focus of each bite. I really enjoyed the layering of the ingredients. While there weren't that many of them, having the tomato underneath the meat afforded the entire burger a crisp and refreshing taste as well as a satisfying ending crunch every time I bit into it. The tomatoes weren't especially flavorful, but it wasn't a detriment to the burger on the whole. Simple. No sauce, no cheese. Just a hamburger, for the sake of the burger.

The two plusses for Heartland are 1) they cooked the meat perfectly. I've been to too many burger places recently who claim to make an awesome burger, but they can't even cook it properly. Heartland just did a great job cooking the meat the way I asked for it, and did it quickly. 2) They didn't work the meat too much. Again, so many places feel the need to knead the meat until it becomes mush. Not so here. Still, as tasty as this burger was, I can't justify the $11.95 it cost for a burger and fries. Its just not worth it, both in size, and in interest.

The fries here were, however, very good. Nice and thick, these are meaty Idaho Potato fries. I don't know how much a side of fries would cost you, but I'd say these are more worth it than the burger is. You might come here and grab beers and snacks, in which case I'd say get the fries. As a side with the burger, the fries were a fairly generous portion, but still not enough to justify the cost.

Heartland Brewery is supposedly the third in the burger rivalry between Schnippers Quality Kitchen and Shake Shack. I don't really see any way of comparing those two and Heartland Brewery though, other than by taste. Both Schnippers and Shake Shack ask you to order from a counter, and Heartland has waitstaff. This may just be Heartland trying to break into the spotlight by setting itself against the other two more major contenders, but it really doesn't have the burger to back up its claims.

Triumph Brewery

Princeton, NJ
www.triumphbrewing.com



The Order: Epic Burger, medium rare. With pork bellies, caramelized onions, fried egg, truffle aioli, mornay sauce, and a pickle.
Side Order: Comes with fries
$15
Drink Order: Triumph Beer flight: Honey Blonde, Amber Ale, German Pilsner, Oatmeal Stout, Bengal Gold IPA, Abbey Trippel, Porter



I want to shake the hand of the chef who designed this ridiculous creation. This burger was just all around fantastic. It was big. It was juicy. It was cooked perfectly. I knew I loved burgers before I ate this, and I knew I loved pork bellies, but the combination of the two, AND a fried egg?! Holy shit. I can't even begin to tell you how satisfying and tasty this burger was from the moment it arrived. It looked amazing and served to make me all the hungrier before I could sink my teeth in.

Piling on all the ingredients, and smearing on the sauce, every moment of it was building in anticipation of that first bite, which in no way disappointed. I don't think this thing could possibly have disappointed anybody. The egg was gloriously runny, mixing with the sauces and the flavorful meat. The bun was lightly toasted, containing and absorbing the juices, but not too hard that it got in the way of the rest of the burger experience. This is seriously a hearty and delicious burger. I would come back here in a second, and it would be the only reason, besides cheaper gas, to go to NJ. Seriously, awesome.

A generous portion of fries on the side were delicious, and a refreshing change from all of the stingy burger places giving only a measly little handful. They were all cooked the same, crunchy on the outside, and soft on the inside, evenly and delicious seasoned. And I cleaned the plate after the burger. It as ALL gone. STUFFED. And happy.

Lucky's Famous Burgers

Manhattan, NY
www.luckysfamousburgers.com



The Order: Lucky Cheddar Burger, medium rare. Premium Gold Angus beef, on a potato roll with lettuce, onion, tomato and pickles.
Side Order: Combo comes with fries and a drink
$10
Drink Order: Dr. Pepper, Shake ($4)


If not for the Groupon I had previously purchased, I would not have come here, or really even have heard of this place. Lucky's Famous Burgers. The name, you'd think, would imply a certain amount of fame and perhaps even a little street cred. I'd never heard of it before. But apparently, it's a revamp of a previous place called "Lucky's Famous" so I'll just go with it. And with a Groupon, why not right? $20 worth of food and drink for $10? That's awesome! So, joined by my friend Nate, a writer for Lonely Planet, I decided to take the burger plunge. Or, rather, we did together.

To be honest, there really isn't much to say about this place. The burger is average, the fries remind me of going to Nathan's to get hot dogs and fries as a kid. They had the same cut, and the same lack of flavor. But what IS great is their array of sauces. Their Lucky's Special Sauce and their Chipotle Mayo are delicious. So after smothering the burger and fries with these sauces, all of a sudden they were pretty damn good! So come here for the sauce, I guess that's what I'm saying.

Oh right. We had a milkshake. Eh. It was fine. Be clear about what you want. I ordered a chocolate, vanilla, coffee shake, and got a Neopolitan. A fairly tasty Neopolitan, but not what I ordered. Worth the $4? No. It wasn't overly large, and $4 is a big chunk of change for an average milkshake. But I'll say again, this place is worth it if you bought the Groupon on their NY Burger Day sale a few months back. Otherwise, skip it.

Yard House

Los Angeles, CA
www.yardhouse.com



The Order: Classic Sliders
Side Order: Comes with fries
$10.45
Drink Order: Alaskan IPA



Juicy. Very salty. Soft. These are the classic sliders at Yard House. And they are very easy to eat. Small and scrumptious, these sliders are great when paired with beer, or anything really. You just need something to wash them down because of the amount of salt you'll be ingesting.

Joined by a group of about ten people, the staff at Yard House were quick to get us a table and to get us our food. No rush, but I wasn't going to complain. But the burgers. It's very easy to eat them in no time because of how tasty they are. They just get devoured, but it's not as if they are the tiniest sliders ever. Maybe it's the large amount of beer I seem to always consume at Yard House, but I always seem to suck these things down in 5 minutes. The patties aren't as slim as the server led me to believe (read: they could have at least tried to cook it medium rare), but they were consistently delicious across all four burgers. There is a ton of seasoning that is unfortunately undefinable... You'll start noticing a trend in this review. I honestly can not tell you what this tastes like, other than it is salty and delicious.

They also have bearnaise sliders (pictured above... somehow I don't have a picture), which are also delicious. They come with some fried shoestring onions on the sliders, and the bearnaise sauce is pretty awesome. AND you don't have to choose between the two if you can't or don't want to. You can mix it up with two of each kind for no additional charge.

Worth the $10.45 for the sliders and fries, and Yard House often has happy hour deals where the sliders are 1/2 price. Also worth it if it isn't too crowded. Avoid the downtown LA establishment if an LA team is playing. For all of you east coasters: they recently opened locations in Boston, MA and Westchester, NY!

Oh yeah, and they have beer. Their list occupies the first two pages of the menu. Its a decent selection, but it rarely changes. The draw is their mixed beer with alluring names (Snake Bite? Black Velvet?), which are actually pretty good, and their happy hour discounts on half yard drinks.

Dutch Boy Burger

Brooklyn, NY
www.dutchboyburger.com



The Order: Dutch Boy Burger, medium rare. A 7oz patty with beer soaked cheddar, sauteed crimini mushrooms, caramelized onions, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle, and a sesame seed bun.
Side Order: Comes with fries (during lunch), Onion Rings ($4)
$8.50 + $4 = $12.50
Drink Order: Foxon Park Soda: Iron Brew



Touted as a great new local mainstay, Dutch Boy Burger has garnered over 90 favorable reviews since opening its doors. A tiny little place with a bar in the back, Dutch Boy has a sort of charm in being very bare. The staff is friendly, but I'd fire whoever said it would be okay to play two back to back 311 albums... Seriously. Is it the mid 90s again or something?

Anyways, the service was great, and the burger came out fast. But there isn't really all that much I have to say about this place that is positive. First, I definitely said medium rare. Twice. And the burger came out well done. Not even medium well, which I could understand if they somehow misheard me twice. No, it was well done. And it looked as if they spent a long time working and reshaping the meat. It didn't have that delicious ground up texture. Rather, it looked a bit like meat paste. Gray meat paste. Yum right?

The toppings on the other hand were great, fresh and tasty. They made the burger edible. The onions were cooked properly, the mushrooms were soft, but not too soft, and the cheese was appropriately melty.

The fries were recommended as well, but I was unenthusiastic about them from bit number one. Some weren't seasoned. Some were too salty. Some were burned. Eh. The onion rights at least LOOKED delicious. They were tasty at first, but ended up just tasting like oil. I have, however, recently found that onion rings seem to always taste that way to me now. So maybe it's just me. The seasoning on the onion rings and the batter were great. So I'd say you should give them a go. You might really like them.

Their lunch special (a regular burger, fries and soda for $6.95) is pretty hard to beat, but it's a crapshoot as to whether or not they will cook your burger correctly. This place just doesn't cut it, and can't compete in the NY Burger scene.

Original Tommy's

Los Angeles, CA
www.originaltommys.com



The Order: Double cheeseburger. With chili, American cheese, mustard, tomato, pickles, onions
Side Order: A #1 comes with fries
$7.19
Drink Order: Large Mr. Pibb

Tommy's has been around now for over 65 years, starting at the original location at Rampart and Beverly. All the locations have basically the same food, and comparing the Hollywood blvd. location, where I met Dan for lunch, and the original location, the fare is pretty much the same. The other locations just lack the charm of the original stand.

And the burger never disappoints. If you're looking for a heavy, post-drinking burger, look no further. Every burger comes standard with chili and there's no reason to ask for one without. You wouldn't be getting the full experience. The chili is thick and delicious. The double cheeseburger is more than enough burger for any one person to handle, but if you're feeling man enough, go for the triple. Hell, go for the new Mega combo (a triple, chili cheese fries and a 44oz drink). That'd be enough to take you down a peg or two.

The chili cheese fries are a bit superfluous when there is so much chili dripping off the burger to begin with, and don't make the mistake of eating the free chilis first. You'll be especially unhappy about having to eat the burger so slowly because the heat of your burger in your mouth will be somewhat painful.

Tommy's is a mainstay in LA. I'll always recommend going to the original location over any of the others, especially because they are open 24 hours, and its always the best at 3 in the morning.

Burger & Barrel

Manhattan, NY (SoHo)
www.burgerandbarrel.com







The Order: Bash Style, medium rare. Caramelized onions & bacon jam, pickles, American cheese and special sauce
Side Order: Comes with fries/tots
$14
Drink Order: Big Daddy Speakeasy IPA



Located southeast of NYU's main campus, Burger & Barrel is surprisingly filled with the bridge and tunnel crowd; after work cocktails and beer draw these denizens here. Maybe it's the relatively high prices compared to every other restaurant clustered around NYU, or maybe it's the fact that it's more than a two minute walk. Who knows? The atmosphere here isn't terrible. A little loud to be sure, but you'd probably have a lot to say, and be saying it loudly, if you had these burgers. They've got a great selection of burgers to try, a short list, but definitely interesting.

I ordered the burgers to go, and brought them back to Uzi's apartment (a fellow burger lover). Largely because of the intriguing Bacon Jam, I decided to get us both Bash Styles. This, my friends, was a good choice. The combination of flavors just burst out in canon, one after another, pushing their way through to my taste buds. The butter pickles were crunchy and slightly sweet while the bacon was salty and a little smoky. And the meat. Oh man. By the time I got the burgers back to the apartment (maybe about eight minutes) the bottom bun had completely soaked through. So much flavor, so much juice, but you really have to slow down to enjoy this burger. If you eat it too fast, you miss all the nuances of the seasoning and the individual ingredients. At $14 for a burger and fries, it's a little pricy, but, having forgotten to take a picture the first time, I was glad of the opportunity to go again.

The second time around I had the tots as my side. HOLY SHIT. Get these. Hands down these are the best tots I've ever had. They were seasoned with some mysterious combination of spices that just tantalize the taste buds. Seriously, don't pass these up.

So the second time was really a test of Burger & Barrel's consistency, and they did not disappoint at all. Mind you, not only was this the second time, but the second time in two days. A slight delay in the getting the burgers to the table, but with an apology from our server, and an personal apology from the executive chef, AND the fact that it really wasn't a long wait time at all. The evening's special appetizer were the Bison Sliders, which were delicious, but a little small to be splitting. The burger arrived and it was as juicy and delicious as before. No disappointments here. Burger & Barrel is fantastic. Who wants to go, because I'll sure as hell be going again.

Stout Burgers & Beers

Hollywood, CA
www.stoutburgersandbeers.com



The Order: Goombah, medium rare. Parmasiano flakes, smoked mozzarella, crispy prosciutto, and lemon basil aioli.
Side Order: Beer Battered Onion Rings ($4)
$10 + $4 = $14
Drink Order: Ommegang BPA



Wow. With recommendations from two friends, Stoud had a lot to live up to, and by no means did it disappoint. First off, these onions rings are the best I've ever had. Perfectly golden, crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside, and when you bite into one, you bite all the way through, not pulling out the entire onion. The beer batter they use is fantastic and incredibly tasty. They aren't light, and the portion is definitely generous.

The Goombah is a wonderful burger. My hat is off to the chef for designing this amazing creation. The lemon basil aioli was such an interesting compliment to the burger without getting in the way. Just a slight sour taste made the burger that much more delectable. The patty itself is HUGE and by huge I mean almost an inch think of in-house-ground (daily) beef. They aren't messing around here. Perfectly cooked, really tasty, and big. The cheese was melty and fantastic, lending a slightly smokey and sweet flavor to each bite. And the crispy prosciutto? Sprinkled on top of the cheese adding a fantastic crunchy texture and a little bit of saltiness. Perfection.

I would DEFINITELY come back here. The beer selection is great, if a little bit pricey, but they've got staff who know their beers, and are actively learning more about them. My bartender is getting into home brewing, helps buy the kegs for the bar, and I heard the waitresses asking about certain beer recommendations they might be making in the future. They've definitely got their burgers and their sides right here. All you other burger restaurants take notes. Stout is doing it the way it should be done.

McDonald's

EVERYWHERE, USA!!



The Order: ANGUS DOUBLE DELUXE, medium rare. With 2 pieces of American cheese, red onions, pickles, lettuce, tomato and "SPECIAL SAUCE" on a sesame seed roll.
Side Order: Add fries and drink with meal
$7.59
Drink Order: Dr. Pepper



I was going to wait til next Wednesday to post this, but I just couldn't wait to tell you about this new burger because you ALL need to try this. Say what you want about McDonald's, but they have been at the forefront of the fast food chain industry since the late 1940s. And boy, oh boy, have they done it again. Now, I usually don't review fast food restaurants (In N Out excepted), but when I saw the ad for this new burger, I just had to try it. At first it didn't look like anything special, but the more I saw the ad, the more I realized I needed to try it. No subliminal messaging, it was just the picture of the burger that enticed me.

McDonald's has had their Angus 1/3 pound line of burgers for a while now. Angus Deluxe, Angus Bacon and Cheese, Angus Mushroom and Swiss: these were your options for a while. But they've gone and changed things up! You can now get doubles! So I ordered an Angus Double Deluxe. Of course, when it showed up in person it wasn't as beautiful as they made it in the ad, but it wasn't less than I expected. I mean, two 1/3 pound patties! Two pieces of cheese! And it was tasty! But here is why. See the picture above? Look at the color of the "Special Sauce" that came on the burger. It's pinkish isn't it? McDonald's is using THOUSAND ISLAND DRESSING on their burgers now!! Oh. My. God. It's amazing! And a complete revelation. AND you can order your burger medium rare now! What?! Someone from McDonald's must have visited In N Out recently because they're stealing all their awesome tricks. Seriously McDonald's is changing up their game, and their game is now called WINNING.

As if that wasn't enough, did you notice the price I paid for the entire meal? Seems kind of low for a new burger meal right? That's because for today only, you can get a Angus Double Deluxe meal for the same price as a regular Angus Deluxe meal! NATIONWIDE! So get off your high horse, and go get one of these fantastic burgers! Don't forget to order it medium rare. And be amazed! I may just go back again today for dinner.

Matchbox

Palm Springs, CA
www.matchboxpalmsprings.com



The Order: Bistro Burger, medium rare. Grilled certified angus beef topped with red wine gorgonzola butter, pickled red onions, applewood-smoked bacon, cremini mushrooms, romaine and tomato, on a Brioche roll.
Side Order: Comes with house cut fries
$13
Drink Order: Napa Smith Lost Dog



In Palm Springs for the weekend of my sister's wedding, it was a weekend of delicious food and drink 24/7. And what a weekend it was. For the rehearsal dinner we all went out to Matchbox. Talk about an interesting burger. The ingredients by themselves are not altogether special, but put them together and suddenly you've really got something going here. The combination of the red wine gorgonzola butter, the slightly smokey meat and the pickled red onion was a fantastic blend. Bitter/sour, sweet and smokey all come together and make this burger really tasty. The flavor is all over the place and changes with each time you chew, releasing different tastes from all the various ingredients. Be careful to spread the gorgonzola butter out, as well as the other ingredients so you get all of it in every bite, otherwise you end up with only one or two of the important parts left towards the end.

I had originally critiqued the burger more harshly. On the menu, some of the ingredients weren't listed, but I'll lay this fault at the feet of whoever designed the menu for the rehearsal dinner. The Matchbox Palm Springs website includes all the ingredients in their description of the burger, except for the romaine, tomato and bread.

The fries, however, left a lot to be desired. They were all evenly coated in a thick layer of oil and were all a little overdone. No seasoning on the fries, and not enough salt. I definitely expected more from them, considering the caliber of the burger. Maybe the spicing up the ingredients used in making the fries would help them stand up to their burger counterpart.

The Pony Bar: Part Deux

Manhattan, NY
www.theponybar.com



The Order: Braised Lamb Sliders
Side Order: Comes with hand-cut potato chips and horseradish pickles
$9
Drink Order: Sly Fox Rt. 113 IPA



Having had the burger the last time I went to The Pony Bar, and having been pleasantly surprised, I decided to spring for the braised lamb sliders. These are tasty, but I'm not convinced they're worth the $9 it costs to eat them. Don't get me wrong here, though, there's not really anything bad I can say about them. The sauce and the lamb combined with the soft potato roll are a delight, but two sliders for $9 with no other toppings? Let's be real here. I could either go for another slider, or a more intricate set of toppings if I'm going to be paying that much. For $4 there's a halal food cart on 42nd and 8th that tastes nearly the same (minus the potato roll). You could say you're paying for the atmosphere, but that changes depending on what time you come into Pony. You might also say that you're making up for the fact that all the beers here are $5 and they have a fantastic, ever-changing, selection. That's true, but why do we have to make up for that?

Now, being that this is my second review, I'm inclined to give them a little slack. I've been here probably 5 or 6 times and never been disappointed. I just want more! I'm hungry! More sliders! Is that too much to ask? These were good, but I'd still choose the burger in a heartbeat.



******LA Recap******

Well dear readers, last week was a blast! I ate 12.5 burgers (if you count the Flying Dutchman I got at In N Out as a half burger) in 7 days, the majority of which were actually crammed into 5 days. I could feel the sweat slowly oozing out as it congealed on my skin! And boy did it taste delicious! In all seriousness though, the trip was amazing both because of the substantial number of delicious burgers I ate, but also because of the friends joining me on my ridiculous quest. Thank you all for housing me, and driving me around to eat burgers.

I managed to make it to all of the burgers that I mentioned except for Bucket, which got shafted after my run-in with a 6 hour open bar (I'll win that battle next time I swear!). Oinkster maintained its position as my favorite 'pedestrian' burger. The new top gourmet burger in Los Angeles will be revealed next week.

Throughout the following weeks I'll be sprinkling in the rest of the LA burger reviews. This is partially to give my body a rest. I'm sure my cholesterol level spiked very quickly, and a little bit of salad will do me good. Not for TOO long, but maybe another week or so more. Don't you worry, there will be no shortage of burger reviews in the next weeks. This is ESPECIALLY true because of Groupon's Burger Day celebration. They have 13 burger deals for today only! So head on over there and pick up some amazing Groupons and get a preview of the upcoming weeks of burgers!

Check out today's groupon for NYC here: www.groupon.com

The Oinkster

Eagle Rock, CA
theoinkster.com



The Order: Cheeseburger, medium rare. Fresh Nebraska Angus beef, thousand island dressing, house-cured dill pickles, onions, tomatoes and lettuce, with gruyere
Side Order: Add fries and drink for $3
$5.50 + $3 = $8.50
Drink Order: Mr. Pibb



The Oinkster has been my favorite burger place in Los Angeles for a long time. Once I discovered the burger (BEFORE Guy Fieri did), I was eating there at least once a month, if not more. They are consistent with the quality of the burger every single time. You would be remiss to not go here and eat this great burger.

This isn't a fancy burger by any means. Everything about it is simple, but it's made really well. The taste of the mean is superb, and the vegetable condiments are crisp and fresh. The bun is thick enough to absorb the juices but thin enough so it doesn't fill you up completely. And it all works so well together. It's really just a simple and delicious burger.

The other thing that is wonderful about The Oinkster is that they make all of their sauces in house. Two kinds of ketchup (one of them is Chipotle) as well as their Oinkster mustard are delicious. They also make a garlic aioli which comes with the fries. It's super tasty, and extra garlicky. Don't plan on getting near anybody after eating this sauce though. You'll still smell like garlic in the morning. And spreading it on the burger is amazing! The flavor is somewhat overwhelming, but you'll love every bite even more.

The portions here are really generous. The burger is large (you can also order the smaller 1/3 pound burger), and the amount of fries you get is impressive. I've never finished an entire order, and when I've tried, I've ended up with a stomach ache. The fries are pretty good, not anything amazing, and avoid the ones that look extra crispy or you just might crack a tooth. The other fries will be crispy on the outside and really soft on the inside, so they're definitely worth it to get.

They have a decent and ever changing beer selection, though I always just go for a soda. They carry a selection of Eagle Rock Brewery's beers some of the time, and all of their beers are moderately priced. The sodas are free refill.

The Oinkster has never disappointed me yet. And it never will. Come at an off hour to avoid the mad rush of people that flock to this place after seeing a certain episode of Diner, Drive-Ins and Dives.

Umami Burger

Los Feliz, CA
www.umamiburger.com



The Order: Kombu Meal #3: Hatch Burger, medium rare. 4 types of green chilies, house made American cheese
Side order: Kombu Meal #3 comes with Tempura Onion Rings
$16
Drink Order: Kombu Meal #3 comes with a Poleeko Gold Pale Ale



I don't understand what all the fuss is about. Everyone always talks about how good Umami Burger is, and there must be something to it right? I mean, they now have five locations. There has to be something great about this place. I've only been here once before and I wasn't thrilled, but after a friend recommended a specific burger over the signature Umami Burger, I thought I'd give it another shot.

First of all, what is with the letter "U" stamped on the top of the bun? Is it ink? Food coloring? A slight searing? Great. They've put their stamp on the bun. A good thing because honestly, the bun is the best thing about the burger. 4 types of green chilies! Great! No taste. Not even any heat. I didn't feel anything at all in the way of spiciness until I was almost done with the entire burger. And some of you may say that I have a huge tolerance for spiciness. Not true at all. I just happen to really enjoy spicy foods now, even though they burn like volcanoes in my mouth. The house-made American cheese did nothing to add to the flavor of the burger and the meat was cooked past medium rare, even though medium rare is supposed to be the standard preparation for all of their burgers here. So yeah, the bun was sweet and delicious. But that's it. What the burger lacked in flavor it had in price.

These are by no means cheap burgers, and while I haven't had all of the burgers, I'll definitely think twice about coming here again to try something else. The Kombu deals are pretty good for your money, but you still end up having to eat a lackluster burger.

The onions rings, however, are delicious. Umami Burger definitely has gotten their side dishes right. A taste of the special Truffle Cheese Fries was great, and the Tempura Onion Rings with Umami Ketchup was fantastic. They had great tempura flavor (the rings are basically just coated with tempura style batter and then deep fried), with the sweet and tangy ketchup working together in a really interesting combination. There could be a few more onion rings in the order, but I won't complain about it.

I wouldn't choose this over the myriad other places to go in Los Angeles. Break the cycle. Tell all your friends to go somewhere else that is better and cheaper.

Lucky Devils

Hollywood, CA
www.luckydevils-la.com




The Order: Kobe Sliders (diablo and bacon bleu)
Kobe Cheeseburger, medium rare. Apricot house-smoked double thick cheddar, tomato chutney, lettuce and crispy fried onions.
Side Order: None
$8.95 + $13 = $21.95
Drink Order: Water



Back in Los Angeles again and I have a long burger road ahead of me! I unfortunately had to skip my burger lunch plans because of last night's festivities (congratulations Vanessa and Mike!). So the beginning of my LA burger adventure was at Lucky Devils, joined by Sarah, Joe and Gloria.

The sliders were a fantastic way to start the meal, especially after a long night of binge drinking (thus.. the water). I started with the bacon bleu (Swiss gruyere, blue cheese, double-smoked bacon, drunkin' beer caramelized onions, wild arugula and roasted garlic aioli). The aioli is really sweet and, paired with the onions, makes this slider absolutely delicious. You don't really taste the bleu cheese at all because it's overwhelmed by all the other flavors. To be honest it's actually not a bad thing. The slider really doesn't need any other flavors to muddy things up.

The diablo wasn't nearly as good as the bacon bleu (white cheddar, double-smoked bacon, avocado, wild arugula, house 1,000 island, and devil hot sauce). The hot sauce is fantastic but that's really all this has going for it. Slightly tangy, and not too hot, but they didn't hit it out of the park with this one.

The Kobe cheeseburger was actually subpar. Everything about the burger was good, except for the flavor of the meat. Come on! When you've got Kobe beef to work with, how can you not make it taste amazing?! The patty was cooked well past medium rare and was essentially flavorless. The cheddar and the bread were both very sweet tasting, but not in any way overbearing, and not strong enough tastes to make up for the beef's shortcomings. The bacon wasn't at all smoky and the crispy fried onions didn't add anything to the experience at all.

The burger doesn't come with fries and $4 to add a side of sweet potato fries wasn't going to happen, but the fries were definitely tasty, and the pastilla garlic aioli was fantastic. The problem with the side of fries is the size of the portion. When you spend $4 for a side, it should be a bit on the larger side. This is not true of Lucky Devils.

Verdict: Get the sliders, but ask if you can have two of the bacon bleus instead of the diablo. Don't get a burger here.

In N Out: Secret Menu

Los Angeles, CA
www.in-n-out.com



The Order: Double Double, medium rare. Animal style, w/ grilled whole onions.
Flying Dutchman w/ chopped chilies. ($2.20)
Side Order: Animal style fries ($2.79)
$3.15 + $2.20 + $2.79 = $8.14
Drink Order: Dr. Pepper. Lemon Up (Pink Lemonade and Seven Up)



Now, I've been going to In N Out for years before living in NY, having lived in Los Angeles for 6 years. I knew about the 'secret menu' which involves things like getting your burger Animal Style (a mustard grilled patty with pickles, grilled onions and thousand island dressing), protein style (no bun, your burger wrapped in lettuce), or a grilled cheese sandwich (self explanatory). I even knew you could get your fries animal style.

I DIDN'T know the full extent of the secret menu though. And oh my god is it amazing. My usual order is a Double Double (a cheeseburger with double meet and double cheese) animal style with animal styles fries and a Dr. Pepper. But after reading Kenji Lopez-Alt's article on Serious Eats about the In N Out secret menu, I had to make some adjustments to my order. I never knew you could get your burger medium rare, or with chopped chili peppers pressed into the patty! Who knew you could get whole slices of grilled onions rather than diced grilled onions! And there's such a thing as the Flying Dutchman, which is just two patties and two pieces of cheese?! Amazing!! So I changed my order a little bit and it made In N Out even better. I couldn't fathom that my fast food experience would ever be this good, but wow. Next time you go to In N Out make sure to check out the secret menu the links below for all your options and make your In N Out trip the best you've ever had.

Kenji Lopez-Alt on the In N Out Secret Menu

Davis Wiki on the In N Out Secret Menu

Stand4 Burger

Manhattan, NY
www.standburger.com



The Order: HELL Burger, medium rare. Wasabi, caramelized onions, Thai chilies, sweet chile sauce, with white cheddar ($1)
Side Order: Mashed Sweet Potatoes and Parmesan ($5)
$11 + $1 + $5 = $17
Drink Order: Six Point Sweet Action
Dessert Order: Mini Ricotta Pistachio Milkshake $6

Mike's Order: STAND Burger, Medium. Specially seasoned beef, red onion, lettuce, tomato, house sauce, with white cheddar ($1)



After a multiple enthusiastic recommendations from fellow burger enthusiast Malia, I finally found the time to go and try Stand Burger. Or is it Stand. Or is it Stand4. Actually, not even Stand itself can agree on the name. If you look at their website, they call themselves any and all of the above names. We'll stick with Stand.

Apparently my choise of side was agreeable to our waitress ("good choice!"). Again, joined by Mike and Vanessa, Mike and I decided to split our two burgers. He ordered the STAND burger and I ordered the HELL burger.

Starting with my half of the HELL burger first may have been a mistake. The first bite instantly cleared my nose (the wasabi). If you want to try something that is beyond spicy, go for this burger, but it isn't so much the wasabi that gets you as it is the Thai chillies. They made it so hard to eat the burger that by the time I finished my half I was glad it was ONLY half the burger.

The STAND burger on the other hand was delicious. The seasoning on the meat was an explosion of flavors complimented perfectly by the house sauce, and the other toppings, and the meat was perhaps the juiciest I've had in the past few months. Both burgers were definitely high quality burgers, and a good size for their prices, but I'll definitely be going with the STAND next time.

Our burgers came with fried pickles on the side, which were fantastic and a wonderful surprise. The butter pickles that they were made with weren't too sweet, and they were just a little sour. If you have had the fried pickles at Corner Burger, come try these and be amazed at home much better they are. No offense Corner Burger, but these have you beat by a big margin.

The sweet potato mash was excellent, but just a little too sweet, and there definitely could have been more Parmesan on top. In fact, perhaps a more bold choice of cheese topping could have worked better. The dish was interesting, but if they were really looking to wow with it, they were just a little off the mark.

I have only three words left for you. Ricotta. Pistachio. Milkshake. This is EXPENSIVE, but AMAZING. Giant chunks of pistachio throughout, a healthy amount of whip cream, and the ricotta flavor poking through every once in a while make this one of the best milkshakes I've ever had. If you come here, you can not leave with out trying one of the milkshakes, and there are definitely other interesting flavors to order. Toasted Marshmellow. Honey Lavender Chocolate. Blueberry Pie. Maple Almond. AND they have alcoholic shakes.

Come here early to avoid the lines, or come for lunch when they offer a few lunch specials. Definitely worth a try... or two.



Coming up next week:
Dear readers! Beginning this Friday I will be in Palm Springs, CA and Los Angeles, CA eating burgers! I'll also be watching my sister get hitched, but there will be tons of burgers! It will be raining burgers! A thunderstorm of burgers has been forecast and I'm going to be getting soaked in it!

But seriously. Next week I will be making it to 9 different burger establishments in Los Angeles and 1 in Palm Springs. That's a total of 10 burgers for my dear readers to read about. I will choose 4 of them to review immediately, that is to say, as soon as I can get to a computer after eating that burger, you'll have that post. The other 5 will be sprinkled in between the regular weekly reviews. Those 10 are the definite places, but there are a couple others that I MAY get a chance to go to somehow. So get excited! And check back often.

Here is the definite list:
In N Out (I know, its fast food, but I'm going because its amazing)
Oinkster
Umami Burger
Father's Office
Yardhouse
Lucky Devils
Tommy's
Bucket
Stout Burger
Matchbox

Big Nick's Burger Joint

Manhattan, NY
www.bignicksnyc.com



The Order: Bistro Burger, medium rare. Angus, melted gruyere, fried mushrooms, caramelized onions, and fresh tomato on grilled thick challah bread.
Side: Comes with seasoned waffle fries
$11
Drink Order: Coke



Do not come here unprepared. Writing this, I am fully uncomfortable. My stomach is about to burst. I can not even think about moving from this spot. Not only does their menu have an intimidating number of burgers (60), but the size of the burgers is beyond ridiculous, and a quiet challenge that we are just not man or woman enough to finish it all. Taking the easy way out of having to make a difficult decision about which burger to eat, I asked the waitress which burger to have, and boy was I in for it.

The Midnight Burger Adventure began with drinks at two nearby bars, so midnight burgers didn't actually begin until about 1AM. Decisions were made quickly, and the burgers arrived just as fast. This wonderful 24-hour establishment serves a large menu of other food, but the menu to tackle is the burgers.

The Bistro burger is one of a few special burgers on their menu (these burgers aren't separated out on their website menu). The others to look out for are the New Yorker and the Sumo Burger, which... apparently is huge. Go figure. Served on challah bread, the Bistro was definitely the first burger to stand out, and let me tell you, it made a big difference. The taste of the bread was fantastic, and then sinking my teeth into the burger was HEAVEN.

The first half of this burger was absolutely delicious. It was juicy and all the spices and individual ingredients blended together in a fantastic harmony of flavor. The sweetness of the challah with the onions and mushrooms was delightful, and top it all off with my favorite burger cheese, gruyere, mama mia! You can't go wrong. Unfortunately the second half of the burger was not as good. When the burger had arrived, the lettuce and tomato were on the side, so I just dug in as it was presented. Upon the waitress' suggestion, I added them back into the burger. The tomato and lettuce really just don't fit with this burger, and they'd do better to leave them out completely. It was still good, just not the knockout that the first half was. 1 for 2 waitress. 1 for 2.

Not only is this place delicious, but they are open for 24-hours. You can try this burger any time you like!! It seems like you really can't go wrong. Granted, my reaction to this wonderful place may have been influenced by the number of beers I'd had, and the lateness of the hour, but I'll DEFINITELY be going back. One of our Midnight Burger Adventurers has already gone back and asserts that the Zapata Baconcheeseburger is amazing. I, however, have my eye on the Garlic Sauce Burger and the Portcheddar Burger.

If you want pizza at any and all hours, Big Nick's Pizza Joint is right next door.

Moules et Frites

Syosset, NY
www.moulessyosset.com



The Order: BBQ Brie and prosciutto burger, medium rare. Brioche bun, lettuce, tomato, onion.
Side Order: Comes with fries
$15
Shared Appetizers: Mussels Mariniere Traditionnel (15), Mussels Pernod et Creme, Bretzel Bavarois (9)
Drink Order: Hacker Pschorr Dunkel



Seven of us came for Manly Burger Time, our counterpart to my sister's Bridal Shower. None of us had previously been to Moules et Frites, but let me tell you, this place is fantastic. A Belgian biergarten and bistro, with a selection of 40 beers and an enticing menu, it promised to be a good brunch.

We started with two orders of mussels and a Bretzel Bavarois, a gigantic soft Bavarian Pretzel, with two kinds of mustard. All three appetizers were delicious. The mussels were all tender and the sauces were so delicious that we had to order bread in order to sop it all up and eat it. No sand in the mussels at all, and they were all fairly large. The pretzel was great, and the horseradish mustard was especially good, but probably not worth the $9 it cost if you're getting it by yourself.

And then the burgers. Oh. My. God. These are large burgers. Large is a tame word for how big these burgers are. Because it was Manly Burger Time, we all had to be up to the challenge of finishing those burgers, after three ridiculous appetizers and a healthy amount of beer.

I ordered their special, the BBQ, Brie and Prosciutto burger. The BBQ sauce wasn't too sour, as some BBQ sauces can be, and it had some similar flavor to tandoori chicken, which may have been cumin or something. It definitely made it more interesting, as each bite of the burger I was trying to figure out exactly what I was tasting. It was all delicious, and not overwhelming at all.

The fries on the side were pretty tasty as well. Actually, everyone at the table though they were excellent. They came with three dipping sauces on the side. Ketchup, aioli, and garlic mayo. The garlic mayo was by far the best.

Verdict? This may be a drive, but a visit to this place is entirely worth it. A good European beer selection, fantastic burgers and mussels. I'm already looking forward to the next time I can get out there.

Mother Burger

Manhattan, NY
motherburger.com



The Order: Uncle Matt's Wing Burger, medium rare. Basted in spicy wing sauce and topped with creamy bleu cheese
Side Order: Deluxe it with fries ($3)
Movie Theater Nachos to start ($3.95), corn tortilla chips with pepper jack cheese sauce, mother's 3 bean chili and sour cream
$6.95 + $3 + $3.95 = $13.90
Drink Order: PBR ($2!)



I found a $15 Groupon for Mother Burger (I'd pay $7 for $15 worth of food), so I figured I'd check it out. My friend Jared has been expressing interest in a burger outing for some time and we were finally able to link up. Now, Mother Burger is somewhat hidden. It is located in World Wide Plaza, which is between 49th st and 50th st. If coming from 49th st, you have to walk around a building to see that Mother Burger is actually there. Once inside, this place is tiny. It can seat maybe 25 or 30 people, but at 5:30p on a Friday, it is packed.

The burger was very tasty. It was cooked just a touch over medium rare, but not enough to make it bad. The wing sauce was at times very present, and other times just complimented the flavor of the burger. The flavor of the sauce itself was great but it definitely wasn't as spicy as I would have liked, and would have expected. Something about the name Uncle Matt's Wing Burger makes me think of a small town man trying to make big city men cry. Alas, it was not true. But you really can't go wrong with wing sauce and bleu cheese. It not being that spicy meant being able to devour this burger fairly quickly.

The fries were completely not worth it. A little hard, not seasoned at all, really, and definitely not worth $3.00. That is just ridiculous for the measly amount of fries you get. The Chipotle Russian sauce that they are served with was good, but really not as good as it should have been. Both Chipotle and Russian dressing have such strong and distinct flavors that if the two were mixed they would have a different, equally strong, flavor, right? Wrong. No matter how much of that sauce I put onto each fry, it was the same bland taste. Ketchup is the way to go here.

The nachos? Between Jared and I, they were gone very quickly. You get a surprising amount of nachos, cheese and sauce crammed onto a small plate. There really isn't anything bad I can say about them. The cheese was melty, there weren't too many beans in the chili, and the sour cream was mixed in, as opposed to just being dolloped on the top. Get these instead of their weakling fries.

All in all this place is decent, especially for the price (ignore the fries). $6.95 for a good burger, and $2 beers? That's tough to beat. Come here for after work burgers and beer.

Schnipper's Quality Kitchen vs. Shake Shack

Manhattan, NY
www.schnippers.com
www.shakeshack.com



The Fight: Schnipper's Classic vs. Shackburger (single)

Schnipper's Quality Kitchen
The Order: Schnipper's Classic, medium rare. Special cheese blend, carmelized onions, bacon, arugula, Schnipper sauce
Side Order: Fries ($2.75)
$8.99 + $2.75 = $11.74
Drink Order: Dr. Pepper

Shake Shack
The Order: Shackburger (single). American cheese, lettuce, tomato, ShackSauce
Side Order: none
$4.75
Drink Order: Dr. Pepper



Last night I went to shake shack for the second time. It was late after work, I need a quick snack, and the line wasn't very long. Many of you have problem heard of Shake Shake and how it has been at the forefront of the whole NYC Burger Revolution. But what many people don't know is they have a direct rival. Schnipper's Quality Kitchen. Friendly and healthy competition, to be sure, but Schnipper's has one location within two blocks of Shake Shack on 8th avenue, and are currently in the process of opening another in Madison Square Park, where Shake Shack recently opened a new burger venue.

I've known about this rivalry for a while now, and just had not had the chance to get to Schnipper's. Getting my second Shake Shack burger to go, I realized my mistake upon walking up to Schnipper's. For a second I was tempted to do a direct taste test, walking into Schnipper's with a Shake Shack burger in hand, but it was not to be, so I vowed to return the next day. And return I did. Now, much is being made about this rivalry between Shake Shack and Schnipper's (in the papers and blogs at least), but I don't understand it at all. Shake Shack really isn't all that good. The patty is thin, and the flavor of the meat isn't all that great. There is a lot of hype surrounding it, that I'm fairly certain has a lot more to do with public relations than actual quality.

On both nights, I ordered the burgers to go. Shake Shack's burger comes to you in a wax paper wrapper. Not elegant, no points for presentation here. But then again, they're 'high end fast food' so this makes sense. The burger comes out entirely too fast, but with the number of people that are already there waiting for a burger, I can't imagine that it was precooked. Schnipper's burger comes in a box. Upon opening the box I immediately knew this was going to be good. An aroma wafted out from under the lid making it's way quickly to my nose and OH MY GOD this burger smelled amazing. And this wasn't a small burger either. Not flattened and crammed into the foil, instead it was nicely wrapped. You couldn't tell where one ingredient ended, and another began, with all the cheesy goodness. Bite after bite was delicious. There was so much flavor. It was cooked perfectly, the bun wasn't soggy, and their Schnipper's Sauce (some mixture of mayo and mustard) was excellent, especially paired with the baby arugula. The fries were thin and crispy. Simple, but they're each JUST salty enough that it was difficult to stop eating them, and I found that I'd eaten half of them before even starting my burger.

Shake Shack's burger by comparison was bland. Not a lot of meat flavor. "Now wait," you might say, "you didn't order it medium rare!" A mistake on my part, yes. But to be honest, if cooking the burger medium takes away all your flavor, and you cook your burgers medium unless specified differently (which nobody does), you've got a problem. Squished into the wax wrapper, the descriptor of 'high end fast food' makes perfect sense. Less than five minutes of wait time, and crammed into a wrapper. I might as well be at McDonald's. The burger wasn't as hot as I expected it to be and the taste of the American cheese was somehow overpowering. Having eaten their fries previously, I didn't order them. The previous visit, they had been nice and thick crinkle cut fries (think Nathans's), but bland in taste. Not enough salt, or any other seasoning for that matter.

At Schnipper's the prices are a bit higher, but you really get more for your money when ordering a burger there. Shake Shack has a more specific market, while Schnipper's has many more options on their menu (sandwiches, sloppy joes, chicken, etc.). On the whole, Schnipper's is just more worth it in almost every aspect. Both establishment's have a beer selection, though Schnipper's is just your standard selection of domestic beers. Shake shack wins by here, with a number of regular and seasonal microbrews. But this war isn't about the beer (though it helps). Schnipper's burger blows Shake Shack's burger out of the water. Worth it for the money, I'd choose it any day. Now I'm not saying you shouldn't go to Shake Shack, but for all of you who haven't heard of Schnipper's, its time for you to put your jacket on and go.